cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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