my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
