so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize