God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
