These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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