I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
