So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
