I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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