I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
