do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
