I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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