why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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