You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
