I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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