best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
