I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
