phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
