I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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