no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
