when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
