my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
