You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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