well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
