so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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