how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
