Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
