i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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