What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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