I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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