Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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