He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
