I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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