Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
did you just send me my own nude
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
