I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I miss vodka workout Fridays
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
