i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
