can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
