I feel like I'm in dance class right now
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
no. you can't hotbox the world.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My vagina is officially offended.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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