Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
