Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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