During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think your dad took our porno
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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