I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
