That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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