she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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