And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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