There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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