Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
