How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
