Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
