I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
