Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
