btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
