I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
