we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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