Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I deserve this hangover.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
