I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
