so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
