im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
