I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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