i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
