I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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