his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
