My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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