We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
