Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
