I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
