I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
